This weekend flew by. I had my stupid stunt on Friday, which I feel a little better about. I just need to focus on what's best for me and try to talk myself out of being that stupid ever again......
Friday afternoon I picked the little brother up from the bus stop. Our parents went out of town for the weekend to celebrate their 10th anniversary, so it was my duty as the big sister to watch him and be a single parent for the weekend. Wow do I have the upmost respect for a single parent now. It was pretty exhausting. Worrying about me and then worrying about him - and keeping him entertained.....Props to all who do it. It wasn't that rough, but it was definately a task to keep the little guy busy!
Friday night we went to my friend's house for bible study. We ate dinner, my little brother played with his toys, and we had bible study. One of our friends is a music teacher and his percussion section was putting on a little preview concert that evening - so we went after our bible study was completed. I know my little brother really enjoyed that - as he was bopping his head along ;)
Saturday he woke me up at 630 am (ugh) and we ate breakfast, got ready for the day, and headed over to my friend Autumn's house for a Pampered Chef party. After the party my friend Autumn, my other friend Jenni, my little brother, and I went to watch Gnomeo and Juliet. It was absolutely adorable! Such a cute kids movie - and an extra bonus: Elton John music! ......Ba,Ba,Ba, Bennie and the Jets..... ;)
Saturday evening all 4 of us headed back to my parents house and ate pizza and then once my little brother went to bed, us girls enjoyed an evening of chick flicks and vegging out!! It was so needed and I'm so thankful for these amazing friends that God has put into my life. They left around midnight and I fell asleep after, to be awoken around 7am this morning. My little bro and I went to church, then out to eat with my friends....and now he's home with Mommy and Daddy after a fun-filled weekend with his sister.
I really enjoyed his company this weekend. He hardly gave me any problems, as he's a very well behaved kid. I was thinking during church today how much my life has changed from a year ago .....and a year ago is when I first started getting into church again. I'm so incredibly thankful for everything and how God is working on my life. I can't wait to see what's next....... (and hopefully along the way I won't do stupid stuff to divert from what He wants).
February 20, 2011
February 18, 2011
I suck.
Have you ever done something that you knew was not a good idea? Well I did, and now I'm left being disappointed in myself.
I suck. I suck. I suck.....I completely 100% suck. I did something I cannot take back. I am afraid it may hurt me in the future. I'm afraid I may have hurt other people too. I've been continuously beating myself up throughout the day. I know God is up there shaking his head and wondering why I do such stupid stuff.
I suck. I suck. I suck.....I completely 100% suck. I did something I cannot take back. I am afraid it may hurt me in the future. I'm afraid I may have hurt other people too. I've been continuously beating myself up throughout the day. I know God is up there shaking his head and wondering why I do such stupid stuff.
February 17, 2011
OMGosh moments....
This week has been full of OMGosh moments. Take today for instance, someone walks into the office and rattles off a name and is like 'I'm here to meet with Darcy about community service'. I look at him and say, 'there is no Darcy and we do not do community service here - this is CMS - we're a medical company'. He then goes on mumbling something about talking to someone. After telling him a few times that this is not the suite he wants, I directed him to go downstairs to the directory and all the companies are listed. Then he goes to leave and instead of pushing on the door he keeps pulling on the handle and starts getting frustrated. I finally said - push please - and he was like "Oh....*mumble, mumble, mumble*". At no point in any of this conversation did this gentleman, who I believe to be under the influence of something, say thank you. OMGosh people are so rude and seriously not smart at all. I mean - if I were going to go somewhere I would make sure I knew who I spoke to, where they were located, etc. ....But I should not be shocked by this instance as this is a weekly occurance. Not from this gentleman but from all the people who walk into this building, somehow find their way to the 5th floor, and come to me like I'm the building directory. I've had people come in here and ask to use my cell phone. Ask for cigarettes (of which I do not smoke), and even have the audacity to ask for money. WTH? On days like today I'm forced to shake my head and sigh heavily....
Another OMGosh moment this week .....My friends have been telling me a certain someone has a crush on me. This always happens to me. It's always the ones you don't like that just happen to like you. He seems like a nice guy but he is totally not someone I would date for various reasons. They are not shallow reasons, but I know what I want and I'm not going to settle for less. I was hoping that they had it all wrong and my name was showing up in conversation over and over just because.....but instead it became obvious when this fellow started texting me. Sigh. I don't mind being a friend to someone, but I have this feeling he's got his mind on more and I just want to cry because I hate hurting people. Rejection is never fun. I'm hoping this this situation just passes me by but OMGosh why does this keep happening to me?
Another OMGosh moment this week .....My friends have been telling me a certain someone has a crush on me. This always happens to me. It's always the ones you don't like that just happen to like you. He seems like a nice guy but he is totally not someone I would date for various reasons. They are not shallow reasons, but I know what I want and I'm not going to settle for less. I was hoping that they had it all wrong and my name was showing up in conversation over and over just because.....but instead it became obvious when this fellow started texting me. Sigh. I don't mind being a friend to someone, but I have this feeling he's got his mind on more and I just want to cry because I hate hurting people. Rejection is never fun. I'm hoping this this situation just passes me by but OMGosh why does this keep happening to me?
February 16, 2011
V-Day Lowdown....
I should have written this on Valentine's Day (aka SAD - Single's Awareness Day) but I honestly have been the worst blogger ever. My apologies - but hey, as far as I know hardly anyone reads this blog anyway so I doubt anyone was really missing much. :)
Valentine's Day is probably the worst holiday ever in my books. It's a made up Hallmark holiday. Do people in relationships really need 1 day a year to confess how much they love the person they are with? Personally, I feel that you should show your love 365 days a year. Who am I to say anything though - this V-Day as well as all the previous ones I've been basically single. I have never celebrated V-Day. I've never gotten that special card from that special person. I've never gotten flowers from a guy. I've never been wined & dined. My friend once sent me a rose plant, which was totally nice of her but I know it was because she knew I'd be wallowing in my own self-pity. I just loathe this holiday. It's not like us single people need another thing to make us feel slightly crappy about ourselves. So, I must listen all day long about their nice jewelry, gifts, dinners, cards, how much they love one another, blah blah blah. Call me bitter - I don't care. I know without a doubt that God has plans for me - has that special person picked out that will one day make all my loathing of V-Day go away, but until that day I will sit and daydream about a man who will care enough to tell me he loves me not only on V-Day but the other 364 days, too.
So my V-Day (aka SAD) was not as horrible as years past. I attend a bible study on Monday nights so we ended up going out to dinner. Needless to say - most everyone in the group has recently coupled up. Luckily my guy friend (who is single also) stated that he'd like to go so I wasn't the only single person there with a bunch of couples! Two other single people showed up towards the end of dinner. It worked out perfectly too, because I've been trying to get this guy friend more involved in church and I knew that he would fit in with my friends. We ate dinner at Smokey Bones (but as soon as I got there I headed to the bar for my 'I hate V-Day' drink --- a Bahama Mama). After dinner, some of us decided to go to a bar for drinks (more for me, please) and pool. It was a blast - and definately what I needed to get me out of my funk. I'm so thankful for my friends.
Valentine's Day is probably the worst holiday ever in my books. It's a made up Hallmark holiday. Do people in relationships really need 1 day a year to confess how much they love the person they are with? Personally, I feel that you should show your love 365 days a year. Who am I to say anything though - this V-Day as well as all the previous ones I've been basically single. I have never celebrated V-Day. I've never gotten that special card from that special person. I've never gotten flowers from a guy. I've never been wined & dined. My friend once sent me a rose plant, which was totally nice of her but I know it was because she knew I'd be wallowing in my own self-pity. I just loathe this holiday. It's not like us single people need another thing to make us feel slightly crappy about ourselves. So, I must listen all day long about their nice jewelry, gifts, dinners, cards, how much they love one another, blah blah blah. Call me bitter - I don't care. I know without a doubt that God has plans for me - has that special person picked out that will one day make all my loathing of V-Day go away, but until that day I will sit and daydream about a man who will care enough to tell me he loves me not only on V-Day but the other 364 days, too.
So my V-Day (aka SAD) was not as horrible as years past. I attend a bible study on Monday nights so we ended up going out to dinner. Needless to say - most everyone in the group has recently coupled up. Luckily my guy friend (who is single also) stated that he'd like to go so I wasn't the only single person there with a bunch of couples! Two other single people showed up towards the end of dinner. It worked out perfectly too, because I've been trying to get this guy friend more involved in church and I knew that he would fit in with my friends. We ate dinner at Smokey Bones (but as soon as I got there I headed to the bar for my 'I hate V-Day' drink --- a Bahama Mama). After dinner, some of us decided to go to a bar for drinks (more for me, please) and pool. It was a blast - and definately what I needed to get me out of my funk. I'm so thankful for my friends.
February 04, 2011
Whoa, ice storm!
Geez, I haven't updated in a while. I blame it on the lousy weather and my grouchy attitude lately. This week here in Indiana we had a lovely ice storm....complete with 2 inches of ice and then snow, and wind gusts of up to 40 mph. It was fabulous *note the sarcasm*. I ended up staying home from work on Tuesday and Wednesday - as the news channel stated that if you are not essential staff, stay home from work. I didn't believe I was essential ;) ....plus I can handle snow, but driving on pure ice makes me a little nervous. My 30th b-day is coming up in March and I'd like to live to see it!
Wednesday I headed outside to start removing the ice from my car. At first I thought that I was never going to bust through the ice to even get inside my driver's side car door. It took me 15 minutes of beating the ice to get it to crack, chiseling away, and pulling on the car handle to finally get inside. I started up my car and then walked around beating the ice with my ice scrapper. I must have looked like a mad woman. .....Total of 45 minutes and only one fatality - my poor ice scrapper!
It's been a lovely week......BUT on a good note: I only had to work Monday, Thursday, and Friday....and my 2nd job for some reason gave me the whole weekend off so I'm gonna have a great weekend resting, getting things done, and enjoying some Super Bowl festivities! :)
Wednesday I headed outside to start removing the ice from my car. At first I thought that I was never going to bust through the ice to even get inside my driver's side car door. It took me 15 minutes of beating the ice to get it to crack, chiseling away, and pulling on the car handle to finally get inside. I started up my car and then walked around beating the ice with my ice scrapper. I must have looked like a mad woman. .....Total of 45 minutes and only one fatality - my poor ice scrapper!
It's been a lovely week......BUT on a good note: I only had to work Monday, Thursday, and Friday....and my 2nd job for some reason gave me the whole weekend off so I'm gonna have a great weekend resting, getting things done, and enjoying some Super Bowl festivities! :)
January 25, 2011
Pasta - magnificent!
I made the most awesome pasta dinner tonight. I'm quite proud of myself. I call this 'Pasta Yummy'
Pasta Yummy
1 box pasta (I used Smart Taste)
1 jar of spaghetti sauce (I used Meijer tomato/basil)
1 package of fresh mushrooms
1 package of turkey sausage, sliced
1 small package of fat free mozzerella
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a large pan, bring water to a boil. Cook pasta 8-10 minutes.
2. After pasta is cooked and drained, put in bowl. Mix spaghetti sauce, mushrooms, and turkey sausage together.
3. Place in 13x9 greased pan. Top with cheese.
4. Bake 25-30 minutes, or until cheese is bubbly.
I should be a chef. ;)
Pasta Yummy
1 box pasta (I used Smart Taste)
1 jar of spaghetti sauce (I used Meijer tomato/basil)
1 package of fresh mushrooms
1 package of turkey sausage, sliced
1 small package of fat free mozzerella
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a large pan, bring water to a boil. Cook pasta 8-10 minutes.
2. After pasta is cooked and drained, put in bowl. Mix spaghetti sauce, mushrooms, and turkey sausage together.
3. Place in 13x9 greased pan. Top with cheese.
4. Bake 25-30 minutes, or until cheese is bubbly.
I should be a chef. ;)
Back amongst the living.
WooHoo! I'm back amongst the living. I feel much better today. Been fighting the flu Thursday through Saturday, and recovering Sunday and yesterday. I skipped out on Zumba and bible study last night to get some much needed rest. Luckily I woke up this morning feeling much, much better! My muscles are still a little sore, but nothing compared to yesterday. I feel like myself again!
Is it crazy?
Sometimes I enjoy my alone time. Granted, not every day I like to be alone - but sometimes I get peace in just being by myself, doing nothing but lounging around and reading a good book or listening to music. Although I'm single and I do really have a lot of alone time, I feel like I rarely ever really get to enjoy it. I'm always on the go, and working two jobs is starting to really annoy me. I can't find time to finish reading my books that I've started and never completely finished (I'm bad at that, especially lately).
So I've been thinking to myself - what's a better way to catch up on some reading, find peace in just being me, and have some quality thinking time.....Well, that would be to take a vacation, alone. The thought has never occured to me, but I feel it's something that would be absolutely amazing. I think I would really enjoy it. I do take pride that I'm an independant woman - and being so, I should be able to go on vacation alone without people wondering if I've lost my marbles. I, of course, would choose a sunny, warm, beach area! I'm thinking something in the Florida area. It would have to be all-inclusive, as I really think those are the way to go sometimes! .....but then I come back to thinking about my responsibility as an adult, to pay off debts and earn a decent savings. I would be putting a financial strain on myself if I did indulge in such a vacation.
Would it be crazy to take a vacation anyways?
Is it crazy?
Sometimes I enjoy my alone time. Granted, not every day I like to be alone - but sometimes I get peace in just being by myself, doing nothing but lounging around and reading a good book or listening to music. Although I'm single and I do really have a lot of alone time, I feel like I rarely ever really get to enjoy it. I'm always on the go, and working two jobs is starting to really annoy me. I can't find time to finish reading my books that I've started and never completely finished (I'm bad at that, especially lately).
So I've been thinking to myself - what's a better way to catch up on some reading, find peace in just being me, and have some quality thinking time.....Well, that would be to take a vacation, alone. The thought has never occured to me, but I feel it's something that would be absolutely amazing. I think I would really enjoy it. I do take pride that I'm an independant woman - and being so, I should be able to go on vacation alone without people wondering if I've lost my marbles. I, of course, would choose a sunny, warm, beach area! I'm thinking something in the Florida area. It would have to be all-inclusive, as I really think those are the way to go sometimes! .....but then I come back to thinking about my responsibility as an adult, to pay off debts and earn a decent savings. I would be putting a financial strain on myself if I did indulge in such a vacation.
Would it be crazy to take a vacation anyways?
January 22, 2011
Toes in the sand, drink in my hand.....
And the sunshine warming me up. All I want to do be doing this....right now!!!!
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January 20, 2011
Flu Bug, Flu Bug....Go Away!!!!
Yesterday I changed into my workout clothes, fully excited for a good workout. My stomach had been bothering me all day but I just chalked it up to my funky stomach problems. Well, it got considerably worse - in the middle of Zumba. I finished out my Zumba class, but with hardly any motivation. My body was just not feeling right. I had dinner plans and I hate to bail on plans, so I met a friend at Olive Garden (my favorite restaurant). I could barely eat any of my soup. I did manage to eat a few breadsticks and a tiny bit of salad. I still was not feeling well at all....but I sucked it up and kept chugging along.
Got home and instantly started shivering from cold chills. I could not warm up. A friend suggested I go take a hot shower - so I did. It made me feel a little better, while I was in there. After I was done showering, I curled up in bed and fell fast asleep....until 11pm. That is when all it all got very clear that I had something seriously wrong with me! Ran to the bathroom and got sick. Then again at 2am. And then again at 4am. Finally my alarm went off at 5:30am and I was so exhausted. I took my temperature - no fever. So I got dressed and drove through the snow here to work.
I'm not motivated at all. The more the day drags on, the less healthy I seem to feel. :( I long for 3:30 to come along so I can go and snuggle in my bed. I hate being sick. I'm a huge baby.
Got home and instantly started shivering from cold chills. I could not warm up. A friend suggested I go take a hot shower - so I did. It made me feel a little better, while I was in there. After I was done showering, I curled up in bed and fell fast asleep....until 11pm. That is when all it all got very clear that I had something seriously wrong with me! Ran to the bathroom and got sick. Then again at 2am. And then again at 4am. Finally my alarm went off at 5:30am and I was so exhausted. I took my temperature - no fever. So I got dressed and drove through the snow here to work.
I'm not motivated at all. The more the day drags on, the less healthy I seem to feel. :( I long for 3:30 to come along so I can go and snuggle in my bed. I hate being sick. I'm a huge baby.
January 19, 2011
I don't understand men.
Just when I'm feeling ok with things....he shows back up into my life. I haven't seen him for months. The last time I saw him, I made a huge mistake by kissing him. Emotions flooded back and I just could see myself falling again. One look in those eyes and I would probably be putty. I pulled myself away and walked away already in tears. He shut the door and left. Then the text came a few minutes later --- 'Are you ok?'. My response --- 'No, I think it's best I do not see you anymore. I need space to move on'. He has honored my wishes. But then this morning I receive a text from him saying -- 'I just wanted to say hi'.
It's hard for me not to just immediately write back, but I'm forcing myself not to. It's for the best. He has a girlfriend, who he lives with and he cares for. We have tried the friendship thing but he's always wanting a little more and never happy with just friends. So, we can't exactly do that either. I'm just sad. I know he cares about me, but not enough. He cannot provide me what I want out of life - a loving, adoring husband and kids and a wonderful family with God as the center. I would always fear that he was cheating on me because I do not trust him. He was a so-called Christian, which made me fall for him - but then I found out that was not the truth and that he'd fallen away from his faith and didn't care to work on building it back up. I got entirely wrapped up in everything, fell in love, and lost my faith. Now I'm building that back up!
I know he was put in my life for a reason. I've learned a ton by being involved with him, including what I wanted/what I would not settle for in a significant other. I just can't help but miss him - although I'm certain it's much more than him. It's a miss of feeling the connection with the opposite sex.
I just cannot wait to meet who God has picked for me. I know it will be a wonderful experience. And I am so ready to start a family. I'm going to be 30 in a few months, and I really thought I'd be further in life by now. So God, when you're ready....I'm ready!
It's hard for me not to just immediately write back, but I'm forcing myself not to. It's for the best. He has a girlfriend, who he lives with and he cares for. We have tried the friendship thing but he's always wanting a little more and never happy with just friends. So, we can't exactly do that either. I'm just sad. I know he cares about me, but not enough. He cannot provide me what I want out of life - a loving, adoring husband and kids and a wonderful family with God as the center. I would always fear that he was cheating on me because I do not trust him. He was a so-called Christian, which made me fall for him - but then I found out that was not the truth and that he'd fallen away from his faith and didn't care to work on building it back up. I got entirely wrapped up in everything, fell in love, and lost my faith. Now I'm building that back up!
I know he was put in my life for a reason. I've learned a ton by being involved with him, including what I wanted/what I would not settle for in a significant other. I just can't help but miss him - although I'm certain it's much more than him. It's a miss of feeling the connection with the opposite sex.
I just cannot wait to meet who God has picked for me. I know it will be a wonderful experience. And I am so ready to start a family. I'm going to be 30 in a few months, and I really thought I'd be further in life by now. So God, when you're ready....I'm ready!
January 10, 2011
Weekend Cupcake Madness!
This weekend, I helped to celebrate the beginning of motherhood for a very close friend of mine. My friend Tara will be adoping a child soon. It's the first for her and her husband and they are very excited for their little man, Liam, to join the world! On the agenda for the weekend shin-dig: cupcakes! .....I've never really made any cute cupcakes for people before, so this was my first attempt. I made some vanilla and some chocolate - adding some vanilla flavoring to the cake mix to make them a little more tasty and homemade. :) That is my type of homemade. On Saturday I made the cupcakes and on Sunday I iced them (with the help of the mother-to-be). A few months ago I was shopping online and found some cute cupcake toppers that went with her jungle theme. Here are the end results of the cupcakes (I must say I'm very proud!!!!):
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| The Cupcakes |
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| Giraffe! |
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| Lion (he's my favorite!) |
January 06, 2011
'My Instructor tried to kill me....."
I confess. I'm completely, probably 98%, out of shape. This profound confession comes as a result of the Zumba class I attended last night. After an hour of dancing around - I'm completely exhausted and I can barely walk normal today. The class was a hoot though, and the instructor really knows how to get you moving. Zumba is amazing - I can feel every single muscle working. I dipped into my bank account and decided to pay out for 6 weeks of Zumba - one class on Monday evenings and another on Wednesday evenings. Mixed with some elliptical and eating well - if I don't see progress I don't know what else to do!
January 04, 2011
1st workout of the new year!
After work today, I met my date - the treadmill and the elliptical. I did 20 minutes (1.2 miles) of fast paced walking on the treadmill. I even tried to run a bit, but only made it about a minute. I guess it's too soon to try that so fast. ....After the treadmill, I did the elliptical for 20 minutes. I swear the calorie counter on that thing was broken because it said I only burned 50 calories in 20 minutes - never stopping. That can't be correct?? I refuse to believe it. I don't sweat much, at all (which irritates me because I see everyone else sweating and wondering if my body is even feeling the effects like their body is....) but I broke a tiny sweat on the elliptical. So, I had to be working my body in some way. I know I'm sore, my triceps hurt due to the ellipical's moving arms, and my hip even hurt walking around the grocery store! ......So I guess all in all, Day 1 of working out in the new year was successful.
Tomorrow is Zumba. I absolutely LOOOOOOVVE!!!!! Zumba. I would do Zumba every day if I could but I know that my bank account cannot handle it. There are sessions on Mondays and Wednesdays, both at 4:45pm. It's perfect because I can leave work, head straight there, and not be tempted to go sit my lazy butt on the couch! ;) ....I want to try a Body Pump class too, eventually. I don't want to pile too much on at once. I am bound and determined to get my sexy little body back.
Dinner:
Since I skipped lunch (I know, I'm bad.....I am trying not to skip lunches/meals anymore), I was super hungry after my work out. I don't have anything in the house, so I had to go to the store. Well, I didn't want to exactly come home and cook dinner because it would be super late - so I stopped and got one of my favorites. I stopped at Fazzoli's..... (I know, it's carbs, eeeek!), but instead of gorging myself out - I opted for the Kids Meal. It's so super cute....it's a tiny portion of spaghetti (like maybe 4-6oz) and a small drink. I only ate half the breadstick too. Before I would have devoured an entire regular sized spaghetti and two breadsticks, and then maybe some chocolate.....
I love how working out makes you want to treat your body better. I didn't do too bad with the spaghetti (and if I did, oh well - can't turn back time). :)
Crockpot Special ---- Tonight I am preparing lunch/dinner for the next few days. I bought some fresh chicken breasts (3), and a jar of salsa. All you do is put the chicken in the crockpot, dump a jar of salsa on it, and cook on low for 6-8 hours. After it's done cooking, you shred the chicken and then you have mexican chicken. I bought some WW (weight watchers) 2% cheese and fat-free sour cream, as well as some tomatoes to go on top of this! Can't wait to see how it turns out!
Tomorrow is Zumba. I absolutely LOOOOOOVVE!!!!! Zumba. I would do Zumba every day if I could but I know that my bank account cannot handle it. There are sessions on Mondays and Wednesdays, both at 4:45pm. It's perfect because I can leave work, head straight there, and not be tempted to go sit my lazy butt on the couch! ;) ....I want to try a Body Pump class too, eventually. I don't want to pile too much on at once. I am bound and determined to get my sexy little body back.
Dinner:
Since I skipped lunch (I know, I'm bad.....I am trying not to skip lunches/meals anymore), I was super hungry after my work out. I don't have anything in the house, so I had to go to the store. Well, I didn't want to exactly come home and cook dinner because it would be super late - so I stopped and got one of my favorites. I stopped at Fazzoli's..... (I know, it's carbs, eeeek!), but instead of gorging myself out - I opted for the Kids Meal. It's so super cute....it's a tiny portion of spaghetti (like maybe 4-6oz) and a small drink. I only ate half the breadstick too. Before I would have devoured an entire regular sized spaghetti and two breadsticks, and then maybe some chocolate.....
I love how working out makes you want to treat your body better. I didn't do too bad with the spaghetti (and if I did, oh well - can't turn back time). :)
Crockpot Special ---- Tonight I am preparing lunch/dinner for the next few days. I bought some fresh chicken breasts (3), and a jar of salsa. All you do is put the chicken in the crockpot, dump a jar of salsa on it, and cook on low for 6-8 hours. After it's done cooking, you shred the chicken and then you have mexican chicken. I bought some WW (weight watchers) 2% cheese and fat-free sour cream, as well as some tomatoes to go on top of this! Can't wait to see how it turns out!
Day #1 of Motivation
For some reason this morning I woke up motivated. I personally think it has something to do with the good night's sleep and my new Aveda shampoo/conditioner. ;)
My hair has never looked so great! (Pure Abundance is the way to go for anyone who has fine, lifeless hair)..... It was definately worth the splurge. Now I just need to go back and get even more of the product! I must say, my hair smells terrific!
Today I have a workout date with the elliptical at the community center. Yep, that's right. I'm getting back on the horse. I realized last night after a bunch of sulking that the reason I'm so unhappy is because I'm mad at myself. It really has nothing to do with other people - it's about me giving up on myself and not becoming the best 'ME' that I can be. I remember how great I felt when I was 30lbs lighter and how much more energy and self-esteem I had. I need that back. I need to love myself far more than I need someone to love me. So, I'm ready to fall in love with myself again :)
My hair has never looked so great! (Pure Abundance is the way to go for anyone who has fine, lifeless hair)..... It was definately worth the splurge. Now I just need to go back and get even more of the product! I must say, my hair smells terrific!
Today I have a workout date with the elliptical at the community center. Yep, that's right. I'm getting back on the horse. I realized last night after a bunch of sulking that the reason I'm so unhappy is because I'm mad at myself. It really has nothing to do with other people - it's about me giving up on myself and not becoming the best 'ME' that I can be. I remember how great I felt when I was 30lbs lighter and how much more energy and self-esteem I had. I need that back. I need to love myself far more than I need someone to love me. So, I'm ready to fall in love with myself again :)
January 03, 2011
Motivation = ????
I can't seem to get myself motivated. I know things I want to change and I know the amount of hard work that will have to go into the change, but I just cannot seem to get motivated.
Right now I just feel like laying around and screaming of pure frustration. I found the perfect quote that fits my mood ..."Here's my heart and soul, please grind into hamburger, and enjoy"....I feel like every person I tend to get close to hurts me in one way or another. They may not intend to do it, but they do. Currently, I'm being hurt by situations that I have no control over. The control freak in me does not like this. I really am at a loss of what to do. I can't say anything or do anything. So I'm just going to sit here sad and frustrated.
Right now I just feel like laying around and screaming of pure frustration. I found the perfect quote that fits my mood ..."Here's my heart and soul, please grind into hamburger, and enjoy"....I feel like every person I tend to get close to hurts me in one way or another. They may not intend to do it, but they do. Currently, I'm being hurt by situations that I have no control over. The control freak in me does not like this. I really am at a loss of what to do. I can't say anything or do anything. So I'm just going to sit here sad and frustrated.
January 02, 2011
God grant me the strength....
....to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
This pretty much sums up my life right now. I'm struggling to be the better person in a more than awkward situation. I care about this person but I know that I really need to take a step back and put some distance between us. I cannot change the way I feel, or the way they feel, and I feel other's feelings may be involved. So instead I'm going to just sit back and let nature take it's course. Here's to praying that God can guide me in the right direction. I know God has a plan for all of us and although I haven't a clue what God's plan is for me, I know there is a reason why I'm going through this particular situation right now. I honestly hope and pray that there is a bright, shiny prize on the other side of this :)
This pretty much sums up my life right now. I'm struggling to be the better person in a more than awkward situation. I care about this person but I know that I really need to take a step back and put some distance between us. I cannot change the way I feel, or the way they feel, and I feel other's feelings may be involved. So instead I'm going to just sit back and let nature take it's course. Here's to praying that God can guide me in the right direction. I know God has a plan for all of us and although I haven't a clue what God's plan is for me, I know there is a reason why I'm going through this particular situation right now. I honestly hope and pray that there is a bright, shiny prize on the other side of this :)
January 01, 2011
A New Year.....A New Beginning
The beginning of the year marks people's attempts to make resolutions in order to change some aspects of their life they are not happy about. My 2011 year will mark many changes in my life. I decided to start a blog to track those changes, whether victorious or not. I haven't been happy for a long time, in my personal or professional life, but I want to work my hardest to achieve happiness for myself.
In order to achieve this, these are the things I need to accomplish (in no specific order):
1. Lose about 30 lbs - I think people judge you and reject you based on a few extra pounds. Actually I don't think, I know for certain. I've been completely beat down because of my weight by others, and more so by myself. I'm done feeling horrible about myself. I'm the one in charge and I know this is what I need to do to gain happiness for myself. I just look in the mirror and wonder where I made the wrong turn in my weightloss journey. I lost motivation somewhere, but after 2010's year as a whole - I'm ready to take the bull by the horns.
2. Find a new job - I have been working for the same medical company for 7 years now, and have only moved up to an Administrative Assistant (nevermind the fact that I happen to have a Bachelors Degree in Interpersonal Communication). Though the years I've realized my real passion is Event Planning (aka weddings, holiday parties, conferences, etc). If I could find something along those lines, even at the bottom of the totem pole - I know I'd be much happier than pushing papers around a desk! I'm just not challenged anymore and I know I'm so much smarter than being someone's secretary. It may sound cocky, but it's true.
3. Get closer to God - 2010 marked my first real relationship with God. I got involved in church again after a long hiatis. During those years of hiatis, I never lost my belief in God, but I definately did not want a relationship with him. I wanted to do what I wanted to do, and nobody was going to stop me. That road was paved with a ton of heartache. But, you live and you learn. So after about a year of picking myself back up, I joined a few bible studies, started going to church regularly, and even began reading the Bible. I have met some amazing people, and I feel lifelong friends. I want to put all my trust in God and know that whatever happens, it's because he has his hands in it and he thinks it's best. I'm kind of a control freak, so this may be the hugest struggle for me. I just don't to wallow in my self-pity anymore.
So, there you have it. This is what I want to accomplish in 2011.
Sidenote: The blog I titled The Patchworks of Life because life has many different patches. Some good, some bad, some exciting, some scary, and some very dishearting. It takes all those experiences (patchworks) to make you into the person you are. You piece all those aspects of life together, and by the end you have the most amazing quilt. Hence the background, too ;)
In order to achieve this, these are the things I need to accomplish (in no specific order):
1. Lose about 30 lbs - I think people judge you and reject you based on a few extra pounds. Actually I don't think, I know for certain. I've been completely beat down because of my weight by others, and more so by myself. I'm done feeling horrible about myself. I'm the one in charge and I know this is what I need to do to gain happiness for myself. I just look in the mirror and wonder where I made the wrong turn in my weightloss journey. I lost motivation somewhere, but after 2010's year as a whole - I'm ready to take the bull by the horns.
2. Find a new job - I have been working for the same medical company for 7 years now, and have only moved up to an Administrative Assistant (nevermind the fact that I happen to have a Bachelors Degree in Interpersonal Communication). Though the years I've realized my real passion is Event Planning (aka weddings, holiday parties, conferences, etc). If I could find something along those lines, even at the bottom of the totem pole - I know I'd be much happier than pushing papers around a desk! I'm just not challenged anymore and I know I'm so much smarter than being someone's secretary. It may sound cocky, but it's true.
3. Get closer to God - 2010 marked my first real relationship with God. I got involved in church again after a long hiatis. During those years of hiatis, I never lost my belief in God, but I definately did not want a relationship with him. I wanted to do what I wanted to do, and nobody was going to stop me. That road was paved with a ton of heartache. But, you live and you learn. So after about a year of picking myself back up, I joined a few bible studies, started going to church regularly, and even began reading the Bible. I have met some amazing people, and I feel lifelong friends. I want to put all my trust in God and know that whatever happens, it's because he has his hands in it and he thinks it's best. I'm kind of a control freak, so this may be the hugest struggle for me. I just don't to wallow in my self-pity anymore.
So, there you have it. This is what I want to accomplish in 2011.
Sidenote: The blog I titled The Patchworks of Life because life has many different patches. Some good, some bad, some exciting, some scary, and some very dishearting. It takes all those experiences (patchworks) to make you into the person you are. You piece all those aspects of life together, and by the end you have the most amazing quilt. Hence the background, too ;)
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