Pasta - magnificent!

I made the most awesome pasta dinner tonight. I'm quite proud of myself. I call this 'Pasta Yummy'

Pasta Yummy
1 box pasta (I used Smart Taste)
1 jar of spaghetti sauce (I used Meijer tomato/basil)
1 package of fresh mushrooms
1 package of turkey sausage, sliced
1 small package of fat free mozzerella

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a large pan, bring water to a boil. Cook pasta 8-10 minutes.
2. After pasta is cooked and drained, put in bowl. Mix spaghetti sauce, mushrooms, and turkey sausage together.
3. Place in 13x9 greased pan. Top with cheese.
4. Bake 25-30 minutes, or until cheese is bubbly.

I should be a chef. ;)

Back amongst the living.

WooHoo! I'm back amongst the living. I feel much better today. Been fighting the flu Thursday through Saturday, and recovering Sunday and yesterday. I skipped out on Zumba and bible study last night to get some much needed rest. Luckily I woke up this morning feeling much, much better! My muscles are still a little sore, but nothing compared to yesterday. I feel like myself again!

Is it crazy?
Sometimes I enjoy my alone time. Granted, not every day I like to be alone - but sometimes I get peace in just being by myself, doing nothing but lounging around and reading a good book or listening to music. Although I'm single and I do really have a lot of alone time, I feel like I rarely ever really get to enjoy it. I'm always on the go, and working two jobs is starting to really annoy me. I can't find time to finish reading my books that I've started and never completely finished (I'm bad at that, especially lately).

So I've been thinking to myself - what's a better way to catch up on some reading, find peace in just being me, and have some quality thinking time.....Well, that would be to take a vacation, alone. The thought has never occured to me, but I feel it's something that would be absolutely amazing. I think I would really enjoy it. I do take pride that I'm an independant woman - and being so, I should be able to go on vacation alone without people wondering if I've lost my marbles. I, of course, would choose a sunny, warm, beach area! I'm thinking something in the Florida area. It would have to be all-inclusive, as I really think those are the way to go sometimes! .....but then I come back to thinking about my responsibility as an adult, to pay off debts and earn a decent savings. I would be putting a financial strain on myself if I did indulge in such a vacation.

Would it be crazy to take a vacation anyways?

Toes in the sand, drink in my hand.....

And the sunshine warming me up. All I want to do be doing this....right now!!!! 



Flu Bug, Flu Bug....Go Away!!!!

Yesterday I changed into my workout clothes, fully excited for a good workout. My stomach had been bothering me all day but I just chalked it up to my funky stomach problems. Well, it got considerably worse - in the middle of Zumba. I finished out my Zumba class, but with hardly any motivation. My body was just not feeling right. I had dinner plans and I hate to bail on plans, so I met a friend at Olive Garden (my favorite restaurant). I could barely eat any of my soup. I did manage to eat a few breadsticks and a tiny bit of salad. I still was not feeling well at all....but I sucked it up and kept chugging along.

Got home and instantly started shivering from cold chills. I could not warm up. A friend suggested I go take a hot shower - so I did. It made me feel a little better, while I was in there. After I was done showering, I curled up in bed and fell fast asleep....until 11pm. That is when all it all got very clear that I had something seriously wrong with me! Ran to the bathroom and got sick. Then again at 2am. And then again at 4am. Finally my alarm went off at 5:30am and I was so exhausted. I took my temperature - no fever. So I got dressed and drove through the snow here to work.

I'm not motivated at all. The more the day drags on, the less healthy I seem to feel. :( I long for 3:30 to come along so I can go and snuggle in my bed. I hate being sick. I'm a huge baby.

I don't understand men.

Just when I'm feeling ok with things....he shows back up into my life. I haven't seen him for months. The last time I saw him, I made a huge mistake by kissing him. Emotions flooded back and I just could see myself falling again. One look in those eyes and I would probably be putty. I pulled myself away and walked away already in tears. He shut the door and left. Then the text came a few minutes later --- 'Are you ok?'. My response --- 'No, I think it's best I do not see you anymore. I need space to move on'. He has honored my wishes. But then this morning I receive a text from him saying -- 'I just wanted to say hi'.

It's hard for me not to just immediately write back, but I'm forcing myself not to. It's for the best. He has a girlfriend, who he lives with and he cares for. We have tried the friendship thing but he's always wanting a little more and never happy with just friends. So, we can't exactly do that either. I'm just sad. I know he cares about me, but not enough. He cannot provide me what I want out of life - a loving, adoring husband and kids and a wonderful family with God as the center. I would always fear that he was cheating on me because I do not trust him. He was a so-called Christian, which made me fall for him - but then I found out that was not the truth and that he'd fallen away from his faith and didn't care to work on building it back up. I got entirely wrapped up in everything, fell in love, and lost my faith. Now I'm building that back up!

I know he was put in my life for a reason. I've learned a ton by being involved with him, including what I wanted/what I would not settle for in a significant other. I just can't help but miss him - although I'm certain it's much more than him. It's a miss of feeling the connection with the opposite sex.

I just cannot wait to meet who God has picked for me. I know it will be a wonderful experience. And I am so ready to start a family. I'm going to be 30 in a few months, and I really thought I'd be further in life by  now. So God, when you're ready....I'm ready!

Weekend Cupcake Madness!

This weekend, I helped to celebrate the beginning of motherhood for a very close friend of mine. My friend Tara will be adoping a child soon. It's the first for her and her husband and they are very excited for their little man, Liam, to join the world! On the agenda for the weekend shin-dig: cupcakes! .....I've never really made any cute cupcakes for people before, so this was my first attempt. I made some vanilla and some chocolate - adding some vanilla flavoring to the cake mix to make them a little more tasty and homemade. :) That is my type of homemade. On Saturday I made the cupcakes and on Sunday I iced them (with the help of the mother-to-be). A few months ago I was shopping online and found some cute cupcake toppers that went with her jungle theme. Here are the end results of the cupcakes (I must say I'm very proud!!!!):



The Cupcakes



Giraffe!

Lion (he's my favorite!)











'My Instructor tried to kill me....."

I confess. I'm completely, probably 98%, out of shape. This profound confession comes as a result of the Zumba class I attended last night. After an hour of dancing around - I'm completely exhausted and I can barely walk normal today. The class was a hoot though, and the instructor really knows how to get you moving. Zumba is amazing - I can feel every single muscle working. I dipped into my bank account and decided to pay out for 6 weeks of Zumba - one class on Monday evenings and another on Wednesday evenings. Mixed with some elliptical and eating well - if I don't see progress I don't know what else to do!

1st workout of the new year!

After work today, I met my date - the treadmill and the elliptical. I did 20 minutes (1.2 miles) of fast paced walking on the treadmill. I even tried to run a bit, but only made it about a minute. I guess it's too soon to try that so fast. ....After the treadmill, I did the elliptical for 20 minutes. I swear the calorie counter on that thing was broken because it said I only burned 50 calories in 20 minutes - never stopping. That can't be correct?? I refuse to believe it. I don't sweat much, at all (which irritates me because I see everyone else sweating and wondering if my body is even feeling the effects like their body is....) but I broke a tiny sweat on the elliptical. So, I had to be working my body in some way. I know I'm sore, my triceps hurt due to the ellipical's moving arms, and my hip even hurt walking around the grocery store! ......So I guess all in all, Day 1 of working out in the new year was successful.

Tomorrow is Zumba. I absolutely LOOOOOOVVE!!!!! Zumba. I would do Zumba every day if I could but I know that my bank account cannot handle it. There are sessions on Mondays and Wednesdays, both at 4:45pm. It's perfect because I can leave work, head straight there, and not be tempted to go sit my lazy butt on the couch! ;) ....I want to try a Body Pump class too, eventually. I don't want to pile too much on at once. I am bound and determined to get my sexy little body back.

Dinner:
Since I skipped lunch (I know, I'm bad.....I am trying not to skip lunches/meals anymore), I was super hungry after my work out. I don't have anything in the house, so I had to go to the store. Well, I didn't want to exactly come home and cook dinner because it would be super late - so I stopped and got one of my favorites. I stopped at Fazzoli's..... (I know, it's carbs, eeeek!), but instead of gorging myself out - I opted for the Kids Meal. It's so super cute....it's a tiny portion of spaghetti (like maybe 4-6oz) and a small drink. I only ate half the breadstick too. Before I would have devoured an entire regular sized spaghetti and two breadsticks, and then maybe some chocolate.....

I love how working out makes you want to treat your body better. I didn't do too bad with the spaghetti (and if I did, oh well - can't turn back time). :)

Crockpot Special ---- Tonight I am preparing lunch/dinner for the next few days. I bought some fresh chicken breasts (3), and a jar of salsa. All you do is put the chicken in the crockpot, dump a jar of salsa on it, and cook on low for 6-8 hours. After it's done cooking, you shred the chicken and then you have mexican chicken. I bought some WW (weight watchers) 2% cheese and fat-free sour cream, as well as some tomatoes to go on top of this! Can't wait to see how it turns out!

Day #1 of Motivation

For some reason this morning I woke up motivated. I personally think it has something to do with the good night's sleep and my new Aveda shampoo/conditioner. ;)

My hair has never looked so great! (Pure Abundance is the way to go for anyone who has fine, lifeless hair)..... It was definately worth the splurge. Now I just need to go back and get even more of the product! I must say, my hair smells terrific!

Today I have a workout date with the elliptical at the community center. Yep, that's right. I'm getting back on the horse. I realized last night after a bunch of sulking that the reason I'm so unhappy is because I'm mad at myself. It really has nothing to do with other people - it's about me giving up on myself and not becoming the best 'ME' that I can be. I remember how great I felt when I was 30lbs lighter and how much more energy and self-esteem I had. I need that back. I need to love myself far more than I need someone to love me. So, I'm ready to fall in love with myself again :)

Motivation = ????

I can't seem to get myself motivated. I know things I want to change and I know the amount of hard work that will have to go into the change, but I just cannot seem to get motivated.

Right now I just feel like laying around and screaming of pure frustration. I found the perfect quote that fits my mood ..."Here's my heart and soul, please grind into hamburger, and enjoy"....I feel like every person I tend to get close to hurts me in one way or another. They may not intend to do it, but they do. Currently, I'm being hurt by situations that I have no control over. The control freak in me does not like this. I really am at a loss of what to do. I can't say anything or do anything. So I'm just going to sit here sad and frustrated.

God grant me the strength....

....to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

This pretty much sums up my life right now. I'm struggling to be the better person in a more than awkward situation. I care about this person but I know that I really need to take a step back and put some distance between us. I cannot change the way I feel, or the way they feel, and I feel other's feelings may be involved.  So instead I'm going to just sit back and let nature take it's course. Here's to praying that God can guide me in the right direction. I know God has a plan for all of us and although I haven't a clue what God's plan is for me, I know there is a reason why I'm going through this particular situation right now. I honestly hope and pray that there is a bright, shiny prize on the other side of this :)

A New Year.....A New Beginning

The beginning of the year marks people's attempts to make resolutions in order to change some aspects of their life they are not happy about. My 2011 year will mark many changes in my life. I decided to start a blog to track those changes, whether victorious or not. I haven't been happy for a long time, in my personal or professional life, but I want to work my hardest to achieve happiness for myself.

In order to achieve this, these are the things I need to accomplish (in no specific order):
1. Lose about 30 lbs - I think people judge you and reject you based on a few extra pounds. Actually I don't think, I know for certain. I've been completely beat down because of my weight by others, and more so by myself. I'm done feeling horrible about myself. I'm the one in charge and I know this is what I need to do to gain happiness for myself. I just look in the mirror and wonder where I made the wrong turn in my weightloss journey. I lost motivation somewhere, but after 2010's year as a whole - I'm ready to take the bull by the horns.

2. Find a new job - I have been working for the same medical company for 7 years now, and have only moved up to an Administrative Assistant (nevermind the fact that I happen to have a Bachelors Degree in Interpersonal Communication). Though the years I've realized my real passion is Event Planning (aka weddings, holiday parties, conferences, etc). If I could find something along those lines, even at the bottom of the totem pole - I know I'd be much happier than pushing papers around a desk! I'm just not challenged anymore and I know I'm so much smarter than being someone's secretary. It may sound cocky, but it's true.  

3. Get closer to God - 2010 marked my first real relationship with God. I got involved in church again after a long hiatis. During those years of hiatis, I never lost my belief in God, but I definately did not want a relationship with him. I wanted to do what I wanted to do, and nobody was going to stop me. That road was paved with a ton of heartache. But, you live and you learn. So after about a year of picking myself back up, I joined a few bible studies, started going to church regularly, and even began reading the Bible. I have met some amazing people, and I feel lifelong friends. I want to put all my trust in God and know that whatever happens, it's because he has his hands in it and he thinks it's best. I'm kind of a control freak, so this may be the hugest struggle for me. I just don't to wallow in my self-pity anymore.

So, there you have it. This is what I want to accomplish in 2011.

Sidenote: The blog I titled The Patchworks of Life because life has many different patches. Some good, some bad, some exciting, some scary, and some very dishearting. It takes all those experiences (patchworks) to make you into the person you are. You piece all those aspects of life together, and by the end you have the most amazing quilt. Hence the background, too ;)